That's it...
I have fallen and I can't get up...
I'm just going to keep falling and falling...
I'm in too deep...
I can't turn back...
I'm not who used to be anymore...
I can't take it...
I'd wish this was a dream...
But dreams don't make you feel this way....
Satisfied...
Contented...
Why...
Why didn't I stop?...
I could have just let it pass me...
But no...
It had to consume me...
Taking every part of me...
And now, no matter where I go...
It haunts me...
And who ever I encounter...
They get damaged...
Even without touching them...
Oh terrible fate...
Forgiveness is nothing no more...
I can't ask for any...
I've already asked too much...
No, it's not ok...
I feel disgusted of myself...
Doing it at my very home...
And the stench...
That fowl stench...
It makes me want to kill myself...
It may not be as big as some would be...
But the very thought and idea of it makes me want to barf my heart out...
He can't save me now...
I'm too filled with sin...
I'm bathing in it....
What fool would be forsaken by the many...
True, it is accepted...
But only mere stories...
If anyone were to know...
I'd rather end it there and never show my face to the human world ever again...
What am I?...
Confused...?
No...
I know of this problem...
I knew I could fix it...
But now it's time for me to take it's punishment...
How shameful me...
At this age...
Would I not think that I have gotten used to it now...
I'd get tired of it and forget of it...
Disgusting...
Why..?
Why were we given such manly pleasures...?
If it can be so...
Let it be done unto me...
According to your word...
For I will not turn away...
I will take it as my severe punishment...
FOr my whole life time!

Every time I listen to the song "Gusto ko Lamang(Translation; I only want)" makes me feel like even the simple things makes a difference... I'm glad to have them!^_^

----------------------------------------
Anyhow, just to update mahself!!!! Bwhahahahaha! So many activities for U-week!!!!

*Collage WARZ!!!<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Protect the governor!!!
*Improvs!!<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Improvising acts duh!
*Horror Room!!!<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< I'm a monster!!!
*Impromptu!!!<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Auditions are still going on! hehe...T_T
*Essay Writting!!!<<<<<<<<<<<<< I dunno my classmates got me into it so yeah...T_T
*Poster making!!<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Unsure yet....TT_TT
*Volleyball!!<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Hehe the tryouts aren't specified yet though...T_T
*Painting club!<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< I'm going to post in Museo de Negrense!!! Hahahaahahahah!



That's all for now I guess, some of my friends are planning to pull me to more activities if they get a chance ahhaahahahaha! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! I hope I would live after U-week, I'm too young to die...TT_TT
------------------------------------------

Anyhow, wish me luck guys I'm gonna need it! Hehe...^_^
And oh yeah it any GURD peaps are reading out there I want you to know....

I REALLY MISS YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY DEAREST FAMILY!!!!!!

Damn, somehow I wish I'd never woken up. Having dreams, always good and happy. That's what I want it to be but even people like me don't have a choice. I hate crying over something I already know how to answer. how stupid, and to think my friends depend on me to ask fer help to stay strong to look out fer them. I just wish they didn't have to see this side of me. The side that just wants to give up, let go, live it all away! I don't know, I feel confused but I'm not. I have things on the palm of my hand but I still get confused. I planed everything out and still I get confused. Why am i so confused? Is it because I want to be or is it because all I plan won't go smoothly as it should be. I'm scared of the dark, did you know that? No? That's the part when I'm pretending, that's the part I start to become someone I'm not! And I know the answer to that... It's because I rather protect those whom I love then be afraid and look out for myself. It's stupid, how useless you feel when you finally lose someone who you relied yourself to. When he's gone, you feel scared, you feel unsure about everything, you feel unprotected, and unloved. Those who give advises need advise, we always look like we are strong enough to be a person you can look up to but to us we feel as though as if we can't! But... Seeing them smile, all hopes up because of you makes you feel like if you back down now, I wouldn't like to see that smile turn into tears. No one knows who we are, no one understands who we are, they always keep telling us its you who knows yourself better but sometimes we wished we had someone who'd understand and that they'd have a solution to this one great big catastrophe! I feel like crying again. Trying to fill up an empty feeling. Pretending for something to happen, when I lay down and look at that bed at the far opposite end of me. I feel as though he's just out there playing computer wasting his time watching stuff and playing games and afterward... He's going to stop that playing, go inside the room, grab his pillows and blanket, brush his teeth, lay on the bed and laugh finding that I'm still awake and tells me to go to sleep even though there's no school tomorrow... And he falls asleep, quietly(sorta)... I would look at him and my sister beside him and just think about how glad I am to have them... I reach out my hand look at it, maybe waiting for a sign and when I look back at him, he's not there anymore and I'd remember about him leaving, tears would start rolling down my cheeks...

It's been a day after my brothers birthday...
Yeah, we're old.
I haven't been working on any artworks lately...
Ok I am working on some but I still think it has its glitches...
I just posted it today...
But as for school...
I still have prelim exams tomorrow and I'm not doing anything yet...
It's my last day of exams and still I'm here slacking off...
My brother's not scolding me yet so I guess I'm safe...
For now...
I just wish This college thing doesn't make a maniac out of me...
Fu...
I miss everyone...
I just wish I knew how they're doing...
Maybe I should post this in FS...
YM...
My Space...
Maybe in Face book too...
Hu...
To tired to do so...
I guess i have to go and study...
I still have an exam tomorrow...
Well the good thing is we get to celebrate afterwards...
Just hope I won't get drunk so easily after all those years of not drinking...
It's only been 3 years...
2 months...
6 days...
I get easily drunk when I stop drinking for a month or two...
I've been drinking in the middle, but still it's not the feeling like before...T_T
Anyway I gotta get studyin...

12pm...
It's been 5 weeks since I became a collage student...
Things have changed...
Places have changed...
People...
Faces...
I'm afraid to make a sudden move...
The computer might turn off again...
It's been weeks since I wrote on this damn thing...
Somehow I wish I never decided to do so...
But...
I feel as though this is but temporary...
nothing feels permanent, like it used to...
When we were in high school...
When we were younger...
Everyone, felt close...
Now...
I'm just scared...
A fear...
Of loosing something that you know won't last forever...
All of it, it's temporary...
Nothing will stay...
Every thing must always continue weather on a same path...
Or another...